Conscious Sexuality

Written by Elfi Shaw

We are born as a result of the sexual union of two people. Sex is a simple gift of life, natural and awesome. Sexual energy is the potent force that brings us into connection with one another in a very basic way and makes us acutely aware that we are living in the body.

Being in the flesh – experiencing incarnation – also means that our life on earth has a beginning and an end. Sex, birth and death are mighty events in our human family, accompanied by pain, pleasure and cultural forms. We sigh and tremble, we contract and expand during those times.

Yet, instead of facing and surrendering, we avoid and tighten, creating convoluted, narrow pathways through which we squeeze our life. The result is a profound disconnection from vitality, a retreat into a small part of the mind.

In matters of sex, we often experience conflict and paradox. Erotic experiencing, sexual self knowing and friendly sharing of sensual touch are fraught with unconscious traps and cultural myths that prevent the exuberant flow of libido. Very few men and women have the chance to fully explore the deep technology of their bodies and feel the full range of sexual energy.

Fortunately there are places and teachers that offer opportunities to receive instruction in unlocking the sexual flow in the body. We sometimes know instinctively that this is possible, but might still be shy to open to the full ecstasy of conscious arousal. Deep inside us there is a memory of connection, which often is felt as a longing. Being in our longing, be-longing, including ourselves in the greatness of life is often difficult, maybe because most of us grew up in a culture that is body- and sex-negative, yet body- and sex-obsessed. Our relationship with nature as she appears in our bodies has been a cause for conflict throughout our history.

Many of us have spent some time experimenting sexually in life without adequate education, self-care or care for others – and have learned a great deal about ourselves anyway. Often we emerge from such encounters scared and scarred, psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, maybe even physically. To fully reintegrate sexuality into our being, it is important that deep sexual/erotic explorations are conducted in a safe container with guidance, respect and humour, and in caring connection.
There is much wisdom from both East and West that teaches the use of sexual arousal to enhance physical and mental health and to enrich relationship with self and others. It is possible to learn to open and welcome sexual energy, arousal energy, into every cell of our bodies.

Like a dry sponge greets water, like a rock drinks sunlight, we can live more brightly in the refreshment of our original life gift – the sexual energy that brought us here.

One of the many dimensions of sexuality is its reach into the realm of spirit, where we live, for a brief time, in deep connection with everything there is and become one with all creation. This happens spontaneously, occasionally, alone or sometimes in connection with a lover. If we want to, we can learn to ride the orgasmic waves that bring us there – we only need to dare to let go of limiting ideas and be open to new body learning.

Sexual health and knowledge, as well as erotic freedom, are essential for healthy communities. People often imagine that this would mean that every free man or woman would engage in sexual orgies all the time. This is far from reality. Sexual health and inner freedom means that sexual energy has become liberated to move through the entire being, rather than being held prisoner in the genitals or the mind. Our cells vibrate in resonance with all life around us, sensing the tides of energy in self and others. Our bodies and minds will open to contraction and expansion, undulating in full-on contact with life. Orgasmic experiencing then will not need to rely on sexual encounters alone. It will include the entire body, genitals, brain and all, and will be available, if we choose, with each new breath.

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