Elfi (Emaya) and Gary (Kekoa) Dillon
“The original primordial fire of eroticisms is sexuality; it raises the red flame of eroticism, which in turn raises and feeds another flame, tremulous and blue. It is the flame of love and eroticism. The double flame of life.”
Octavio Paz, The Double Flame
Sexual intelligence is to realize you can be intelligent about sexuality and at the same time that sexuality is itself a kind of intelligence. Sexuality is not only something to be intelligent about , it is also a way of knowing what the world is.
Each one of us begins when egg and sperm meet; the context around this event is unique to each of us. We are essentially life expressing itself. Sexual energy is the potent force that connect us with one another in a very fundamental way and makes us acutely aware that we are a living body, that we are incarnated – in carne – “in the flesh” . This also means that we become aware, sooner or later, that this body, “me”, will someday die. Modern human beings tighten against the strong forces that brought us here, maybe in the hope that if we don’t fully live, we won’t have to die. The result is a profound disconnection from vitality, a retreat into a small part of the mind and constricted musculature that creates discomfort to which we adapt to such a degree that we become unconscious of it.
Every new era of human culture begets its own sexual world of light and shadow, has its own signature of morality and ways and means to control the expression of erotic desire. There is a sexual confinement that is deemed necessary for civilizations to emerge. Against this, we must learn again and again how to navigate our bodies and relationships within the great sea of life. Our fear of sexuality keeps us erotically illiterate, hobbles our creativity and prevents us from opening fully to pleasure, to each other, even to those we hold closest. The specter of “original sin”, the notion that we are separate from the rest of creation, still haunts us in its many shapes and shows up escecially in our sexual lives.
Our present time, awash in the illusion of sexual freedom, is saturated with sexually charged images and messages. Amid this horn of plenty, some people withdraw from erotic life altogether, overwhelmed and frozen, while others are swept away, submitting to sexual power in ways that harms both self and relationships. Many of us drift in a sexual paradox, unaware of the myths that are directing our sexual relating. We remain numb to the ecstatic wealth within our own living body by swallowing our breath and words and we continue to forget our great ancestral source, the natural world, which birthed us; we forget consciousness itself.
Fortunately, deep inside us, lives and arises a longing, which comes from the memory of a time when we are not separate from nature. Being in our longing, “being- in- the-longing”, belonging, soars on the wings of eros and opens our senses to the beauty of the world and each other. The desire to express our sexual nature persists but is stifled by infused shame and guilt or it is fuelled by the hunger for power over others. We seek our sexual connections for many reasons, for pleasure and from loneliness, for romance, love and children, for the desire to feel life itself and perhaps to taste the ecstasy of surrender. Secretly and hurriedly sometimes, constricted by conflicting messages within, we remain unaware of the healing potential that sexual energy could bring to us. Instead, we often emerge from sexual encounters confused , scared and scarred – emotionally, spiritually and sometimes physically. Many of us suffer from the effects of inappropriate sexual behaviour and trespasses that live on as armoured musculature, anxious minds and stifled breath and they make a spreading swamp of what could be a clear river of life within. We do not know how to unbind ourselves and by ourselves and we wisely seek out guidance from teachers, elders, counsellors or spiritual guides who point us back to the source – our own life force within!
At Heartcoretouch you will find a space for consensual exploration of sexual energy and to reclaim what has been forgotten or temporarily lost. At the center of our teaching lies the compassionate heart, whose intelligent counsel often goes unheeded when we encounter the heat or the decline of sexual energy in relationships. We value a self responsible, relational way of life which also extends into the realm of sexuality and spirituality. We want to consciously celebrate your sexual energy with you with open minds and intelligent bodies in considerate connection with each other, with respect and good humour.
If you follow the trail that leads to the dawning of human language, you will find that the word “intelligence” originates in the depth of our bodies. One of it’s roots, the “inter” , indicates the intestines that lay between heart and genitals and another root- “leger” – draws upon the action of “divination, which sprouted the word “reading “. Roots, whether those of trees or words, dig into the deep, rich humous of soil and history. Ancient humans, before the art of writing was born, could “read” the world with body intelligence no longer accessible to us in our present time – unless a sensuous erotic skillfulness is consciously developed. Our nervous systems quiver in a sea of electric impulses whose ultimate impact on our human evolution will remain unknown for some time to come. In the meanwhile, what we now regard as “intelligence” limits itself to “thinking “ and “reasoning” , which we assume, happens in the brain only. Our rational selves spend our life’s energy wrestling with ideas and opinions while our hearts break with longing and our bodies starve for touch. The taproot of “whole intelligence” will guide us down to the cellular community of body and earth where it will refresh and nourish us with the eros of life.
“There is a secret place
A radiant sanctuary as real as your kitchen.
More real than that.
Constructed of the purest elements.
Overflowing with the ten thousand things.
Worlds within worlds. Forests, rivers.
Velvet coverlets thrown over feather beds,
fountains bubbling beneath a canopy of stars.
Bountiful forests, universal libraries.
A wine cellar offering an intoxication so sweet
you will never be sober again.
this magnificent refuge is inside you
Enter.”Saint Teresa of Avila
At Heartcoretouch we are devoted to teaching and learning about erotic communication tools and concepts of orgasmic self responsibility and learn about sexuality from different perspectives. Western and eastern sexual wisdom teachings and modern sex friendly, body based exercises will guide you to practice your connection with self and others. Our work is interlaced with “experiential” activities whose focus is heightened sensuality while practicing mindfulness and presence. By this we mean that you will be invited and challenged to include into your awareness the deep sea of your body breathing, moving and sensing. We will discuss common myths about sexuality and address stale patterns of body-mind. You will learn about sexuality in context of the story of your life, the depth of your cultural and personal scripts and how those stories are written in relationship with the world and the self. You will enter a conversation about sexuality and erotic life that restores kindness, humour and groundedness which have the power to relax the mind and heart, so that you can freely sense the erotic gifts within. You will gain understanding and acceptance of your own and other’s sexuality through detailed learning of the anatomy, physiology and psychology of desire, arousal and orgasm in various stages of life. We encourage time for self reflection and space for sharing your thoughts and feelings with your partner(s). Exploring in such depth might bring, along with erotic energy, waves of emotion – such as grief, anger and joy- and each is welcomed like a friend.
All activities are offered by invitation; your choices are respected and celebrated. Through agreements that we make at the beginning of our work together we set the boundaries needed to help you relax into deep somatic learning. We expect respectful conduct of everyone for the purpose of creating a safer learning environment for all of us.
It is our desire to develop a vision of a mature society which compassionately considers each individual’s sexual nature and where human discourse includes and brings to light the erotic intelligence within self, communities, families and interpersonal relationships. Erotic literacy needs to be woven into our daily living where it will emerge as vibrant, creative, alive and pulsing energy moving through each of us, allowing us to resonnate with all living beings. It is this vision and our deep desire for conscious living that encourages us to offer our somatic sexual education work .
